Jan. 17th, 2010

smile_n_cuddle: (Mine)
I feel you, Sophia
I feel you
Do they think that walls can hide you?
Even now I'm at your window
I am in the dark, beside you

I'll steal you, Sophia

Goodbye Sophia
You're gone and yet you're mine
I'm fine, Sophia
I'm fine

Sophia

~Johanna, Sweeney Todd

When Sophia and I would play, I used to sing to her all kinds of silly songs, substituting her name for the one in the song. This was my favorite, and I'd sing I love you, Sophia....

Over a year, and still the grief is so great, as to be at times unbearable. This is what happens when you fall in love with another soul, human or not, and aren't prepared for their unexpected departure.

A year later, and still part of my soul is missing.

Yesterday N and I were at the beach. A seagull flew over to join us, and, never having paid much attention to them in the past, I was surprised that she was just Sophia's size. We tossed snacks to her. With each bite her confidence built, and she'd walk two steps closer.

She allowed us to feed the other little birds, too, without chasing them away, but when another sea gull came by, she ruthlessly chased it off. He returned several times, and with each subsequent chase she grew more slitty-eyed. It was absolutely adorable.

Then I tried working on some pictures for the store--the letter opener with Soph's pic needs to be updated. I was going to edit another of her pictures, but the heaviness of the grief was consuming. I cried myself to sleep last night, missing her, and am in tears again today.

Life needs to come with warnings. CAUTION: Do not get attached. Unexpected death will result in severe and long-lasting grief.

I don't think I could own (vs. foster, of course) another bird just because I could not bear the pain of another loss, not to speak of my love for Sophie.

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June 2010

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