There are no words to describe my pain because it is not really here yet. My heart is like a tiny hut, the vast ocean knocking on the door, I am waiting to be swept away with grief.
I loved you like my own child. You were the light of my life, and you died of a broken heart. There is an unspeakable emptiness, a physical one, because you are not on my shoulder.
When my grandfather died, when Petey died, I felt their presence almost immediately in my own soul. It was as though through their transcendence into immortality, their physical presence became an immediate spiritual one—and I still feel it now.
Sophie, this is not so with you. I do not want to know that you have died. I do not want to believe I shall never see your pure eyes, experience your wings spread across my chest, feel the feathers of your sweet head under my chin. Sophie, I adored you, and I always will. I love you with all of my heart and I am so very, very sorry.
I do not know why God is ripping apart from me all whom I hold dear. My world has fallen apart and I do not know why.
But I loved you and am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I’m not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself.