Why Women Are Crabby

[smile_n_cuddle]

Why Women are Crabby. Need I say more?

Why Women are Crabby:

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts
so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty,
uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap
until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone
crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for
the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your
uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up
with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all
the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and
water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over
Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are),
we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily
kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having
Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole
and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment
arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will
invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with
our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OBsays, "Please stop
screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 )
good push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all
that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into
walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking
little poop machines.

The teen years. Need I say more?

The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual
prime in our early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th
birthday.

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all
womanhood. It's either take the HR. and chance cancer in those now
seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily
and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get
off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in
the woods without soaking their socks...

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great
Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Umm, excuse me. Isn't that just a tad bit of a wrong response? What you said to him in effect was, "JAMES. YOU'RE BEING DENSE! THE LADY JUST TOLD YOU WHY!" When you said, "WANT ME TO READ IT AGAIN??", you in effect, cut him off. He is obviously loosing out in the translation somewhere. Perhaps he thinks that going through all of that would not have caused him to become dramatic. Or perhaps his mental image of the term "dramatic" is not the same as yours. If you had said, "WANT ME TO READ IT AGAIN??" to me, I would have gleened from that, that you thought I was dumb.

[niff.livejournal.com]

LOL - We were joking :-)

No worries. If he *really* thought women were more dramatic than men he'd get an earful or at least a serious discussion. (I tend to be a moderate feminist.) But he does tease me about these things - and I do the same back to him.

Sorry if it was unclear. :-)

As an interesting side note, I've found that culture greatly influences reactions and "drama level" - moreso than gender, IME.

[(Anonymous)]

It's a side effect of APD, and ADD too for that matter, not being sure, or often misinterpreting, or being unable to discern when someone is serious or when he is kidding. It can make a fellow feel a tad subhuman sometimes. I should be used to it by now.

[niff.livejournal.com]

Well, when you're used to people meaning things in negative ways it's easy to misinterpret - especially when it's only text without any context. No worries :-)

How are you doing today?

[(Anonymous)]

Friday wasn't real swuft. Better today.