My dearest Sophia,

There are no words to describe my pain because it is not really here yet. My heart is like a tiny hut, the vast ocean knocking on the door, I am waiting to be swept away with grief.

I loved you like my own child. You were the light of my life, and you died of a broken heart. There is an unspeakable emptiness, a physical one, because you are not on my shoulder.

When my grandfather died, when Petey died, I felt their presence almost immediately in my own soul. It was as though through their transcendence into immortality, their physical presence became an immediate spiritual one—and I still feel it now.

Sophie, this is not so with you. I do not want to know that you have died. I do not want to believe I shall never see your pure eyes, experience your wings spread across my chest, feel the feathers of your sweet head under my chin. Sophie, I adored you, and I always will. I love you with all of my heart and I am so very, very sorry.

I do not know why God is ripping apart from me all whom I hold dear. My world has fallen apart and I do not know why.

But I loved you and am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I’m not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself.

Dear Parrots,

STOP YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!

Sophia: That was my breakfast. Don't eat it! Don't take my pen. Stop eating my buttons. Don't dangle from my hair! No, you can't chew my glasses! Get off of my head! Don't nip my toes! They aren't toys! Don't dangle from the wires! You aren't Tarzan!

You may play with: the keys, any one of your millions of toys; the cap to my water; my hair clip.

You may not play with: the scissors; my mp3 player; my phone cord; the phone; the mouse; the keyboard; the glue; the buttons on my shirt; the phone; my bra strap; the camara; my sheet music; my earings; my necklace; the phone.

Athena: STOP EATING EVERYTHING ON MY DESK! I NEED SOME OF THOSE THINGS! Don't bulldoze into my head when flying! My head is not a landing strip! Don't bite me when I make you move! Stop chewing everything in site! Stop rolling upside down as an excuse to bite! Don't say "Up! Up! Up!" incessantly when I put you in your cage!

You may play with: any one of the millions of toys we've gotten you; the keys; the cap to the water bottle.

You may not play with: the stapler; my expensive resume-paper; the BAR LOAN CHECK; the scissors; my How to Draw Fairies book; the resume and coverpage I just printed; my Bar study guides; sketching pencils.

Spinksy: DON'T EAT MY EGG IT WAS MY BREAKFAST! YOU HAVE FOUR DIFFERENT OPTIONS OF KITTY FOOD BECAUSE YOU ARE SO PICKY! NOW GO EAT ONE OF THEM!

Thank you for your cooperation on this matter.

The Management (aka Mom)

(For the record, Athena is a 1 year old African Grey, Sophia is a 2 year old Cockatoo, and Spinksy is a 3 year old itty-bitty cat)

It's a lovely Tuesday morning. I have an hour before I have to get ready for school. The sun is shining. The weather is beautiful. Music is playing... I have some work to do before I go. Usually my sliding door would be open, so I could appreciate the beauty of the morning.

It's not today. Why?

Because there exist in my house two terrorists of the feathered nature. And lately, they have been *driving me crazy.* They think being on Mom is better than being *anywhere else in the whole world.* Mom does not agree. When I put them on the patio to play, they fly in through the open sliding door and onto my head. Sophie usually says, "Hi! HI!" And then proceeds to chew on my hair. I like my hair. This isn't endearing. When I finally get her off of my head, she searches desparately for buttons, zippers, bra straps, anything to chew on mom. Failing that, she examines her options on the desk--mouse wire, books, pens. She's very resourceful, ignoring completely the $100 worth of toys I spent last month trying to find *other, better, parrot-related* things to play with. Not interested.

After Soph lands on me, Ath's usually not too far behind. She isn't quite as graceful in flight, more dive-bombing and tumbling into whatever she's aiming for. But she gets there, and that's all that matters to her. She immediately goes for the fake plant on my desk. I usually wouldn't mind, but, well, I'm tired of vacuuming 3x/day b/c I can't stand the floor to be messy while I'm working! Failing the plant, she works on chewing through binders, books, papers... the more expensive-looking and irreplaceable, the tastier.

Sometimes I try to put them in their cages. They should learn to play alone, right? Problem is the guilt. Truthfully, they play alone a good 3 days/week--all day. They're experts. The other problem is Soph. I've trained her to "knock" politely when she wants out. And when I'm in the room, she wants out. So she knocks. incessantly. And I'm afraid she'll unlearn knocking and resort to screaming. (Or I'll resort to screaming if I listen to knockknockknock incessently for hours.)

So they are outside. And they show their disdain for not being allowed in by landing on the white trellis that's lying against the door. Or by landing on James's orchids, right in front of the trellis, and chewing them to bits, all the while glaring at me. "If you'd just let us in, this wouldn't be a problem."

Ah well. My terrorists aka the feathered mob. 

Dear Sophia,

Please stop flying onto my head. I do not like it when you mess up my hair (even if it's only a 30-second hair-do), and I'm nervous you will poop on my head. I do not need a life-size G2 headpiece. My hair is fine the way it is. I don't like other decorations--especially when they move and scream.

Also, when I demand that you get off, stop grounding your little claws tighter around my hair and ducking lower. You WILL come off. I am bigger than you and I control the treats. If you nip me again you'll be roast Cockatoo for dinner.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation on this matter.

After 17 hours of sleep... I live! :) 

I had my oral argument yesterday. I was convinced I would completely humiliate myself. I figured I'd done it all wrong. Again. Errrrnt! I was the bomb! After I figured out how to speak English (my capacity for language diminishes with lack of sleep), I was all over those questions! Woot! Can't touch this!! 

Went to the immigration courthouse to do my observation exercise... Met a sleazy and creepy lawyer from West Palm. I seriously thought, when he walked in the courtroom, that he was mentally challenged from the way he walked and appeared. I guess not! I think he was hungover and high! What a weirdo! He walked me out, gave me directions to get home from downtown, and his card... told me to call him sometime (ugh, hello! married!!! and if not still no way!!) 

Got home at 6:30, "took a nap" and woke up today at 1:00pm. :) 

Was supposed to work on my bar app today... not gonna happen. I'm tired. I want chocolate. I want to clean. I want to make a yummy dinner. I want to hang out with M at B&N. So that's teh order of the day. I'll do my bar app tomorrow. (blah)  Also, in the class action the judge ordered us to show cause on why we didn't get notice... and I think she's going to continue with the scheduling conference tomorrow... double blah. The gov't responded in my other case... and we have until Tuesday to submit our reply... Supposed to visit the fam Sat-Tues. Busy weekend ahead.

In other news, Sophie's discovered her shadow... And Athie steals (and then drops) Soph's keys. I love these two goofy girls!

Dear Sophia,

Please stop eating my food off of my plate. It's disgusting when you put your little feet on my food, or eat half of something, crunching it all over everything else, and then I can't eat anything that hasn't been Sophied.

The food on your plate, the food I put especially for you on a little platter all your own, IS THE EXACT SAME STUFF THAT'S ON MY PLATE. I SWEAR. And when I've put a handful of granola in your basket, STOP GOING AFTER MY GRANOLA CUP LIKE THERE'S NO FOOD LEFT IN THE WORLD YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LITTLE PILE!

Thank you.

Your doting mother.

PS. I will never allow you to have hot chocolate no matter how much you annoy me. It's not good for you. And it's HOT. Also, no apple cider allowed. Stop climbing up everything on my desk to get to it on the shelf. It's not gonna happen.

She's having a bad start to the day.

First, I accidentally sat on her. I went to sit in the desk chair. She'd been sitting on the arm. She must have jumped onto the seat in that half-second between me being at the side of the chair and my butt nearing the seat. Anyway. She SCREAMED and BIT and it surprised me so much I tried to jump up but it took longer than one would expect. She took a good chunk out of thigh, lol! Fortunately she's not hurt -- just a little stunned. *giggle* She wanted EXTRA EXTRA cuddles. Then she began kind of milking it for all it's worth and I made her go play...

...Then she jumped onto the desk and began eating some cereal out of my cup. She decided it would be far more convenient to eat if it were on the desk and tipped the whole thing -- filled with milk, btw -- over. I hollared a few explatives and stuck her on Athie's cage (nearest the desk) while I cleaned it up. She was kind of all shocked by that commotion too.

So I just offered her my hand to come sit with me and she scooted away to the other side of the cage. Hehe. I think she's decided Mommy spells DISASTER today!

My poor feather-butt girl!

I love love love my room!!! OMG -- I feel like I can breathe. I was so overwhelmed by the peace and quiet last night that I just sat on my sofa and took it all in for an hour! I don't know what to do with myself! It's like I finally have an emotional barrier from everyone else's emotions. When I'm in there, I'm alone and I'm me and it's mine. :) James keeps saying how happy he is I have it and how pretty it is back there. Oh my! I feel so much better!

Last night Sophie was lying against me as I preened her. It dawned on me that she hadn't played with anyone all day because I was at school. I got a little rattle she likes and started to play with it, bopping it up and down. She looked up at me with the sleepiest little eyes. LOL. "I'm so tired! I can't play! Please just cuddle me!"

Yesterday was my birthday. (I'm 26!! Wow that sounds old! I love it!) When I got home from school James had bought me a dozen beautiful white roses. They are so lovely :)

I organized all of my pictures in photobucket last night, which means I lost all the direct links. I'm going to go back and organize some of htem, but not all of htem, so I'm putting my basic favorite parrot pics here, and then i'll take care of the rest. 

Dear Athena and Sophia,

I would first like to say I have had a wonderful morning playing with you two crazy girls! I'm glad I have a lot of reading homework to do, so you can run around on the bed having fun. That said, I believe you have enjoyed playing on the bed too. If this is to continue some basic rules must be observed:

1. Stop fighting. Sophia, if Athena has a highlighter cap it's ok. You have yours. You don't have a monopoly on the highlighter caps.

2. Stop pretending to preen each other just to nip. Sophia, Athena's beak is there for a reason. I know you begin by preening the little feathers on her head, but don't get mad when she doesn't want more preening and then try to grab her beak with your foot. She's going to bite it.

Athena, when you don't want to be preened anymore, go another direction. Stop nipping Sophie's feet! She's going to get mad and then go after your highlighter cap!

3. There are many, many toys on the bed for both of your entertainment. We have balls, scrunchy things, feathers, caps... tons of stuff. The only, ONLY thing you are not allowed to go after is the alarm clock. Please stop making for it like it's the last toy in a dungeon!

4. Kitty is a small friend. She occasionally likes to sit with mom on the bed while mom studies. Kitty's ears exist for a reason. Please stop testing them for edibility should the world end. They are not edible. It irritates the cat. And the world isn't going to end. You will always have plenty of food.

I look forward to many future mornings of playtime on the bed! Following these basic rules will make our playtime much more, well, harmonious.